Readers be ware this is a sensitive subject..
About 4 years ago I decided to pick up my life and move to California with my brother to see what life is like on the sunny side of the country. For the last month that I was in Maine I lived out of my car and on friends couches. I had a poor diet and traveled on the weekends up north to sit on a raft all day and guide people down the mighty Penobscot river. Due to my lack of nutrition, sleep and long hours in a car or sitting on a hard raft I developed a very painful condition. I noticed that I had a very hard time using the bathroom. I also had a hard time sitting for long periods of time and my butt was in alot of pain. The day before I left I developed a fever and did what any girl with no health insurance does.. Visited the Free Clinic in good old Biddo. What a joke. For three hours I took turns between sitting and pacing and finally got to see the doctor. He asked me a few questions didn't examine me at all but told me he felt that I had Hemorrhoids. He prescribed me a cream that had a pain reliever in it and told me to stay away from coffee and beer. I sat or paced for another 2 hours waiting for their make shift pharmacy to get me the box of cream sitting on the shelf in the back room. Needless to say by the time I got to California I was miserable and in alot of pain. After trying several things like tucks pads, preparation H, my sister in laws pain killers, cream and sitting on a pillow where ever I went I decided to take this problem to the Internet. It's amazing where Google will take you. Here are some of the home remedies I found for Hemorrhoids (or assteroids as I like to call them).
"I used a blow dryer on the area to warm it up. Be Careful! It gets hot quick!"
"Soothing vapor patches (like the ones you put on your child's chest). It doesn't have to be vicks; vapor is the key. The burning sucks but it's tolerable. It's better than a flammin cherry bomb (aka a flammin assteroid) that's for sure!"
" This is going to sound crazy but it works great! Use vicks! Girls just don't wipe the wrong way!"
"Sit directly on chopped cabbage to soothe Hemorrhoids."
"Sit in scalding hot water 30 minutes at a time 3-4 times a day--- and push them suckers back up!"
As you can clearly see there is some great wisdom on the Internet. The sad reality of this web site is that you can vote for the ones you have tried. There were 18 unfortunate individuals who tried the scalding hot water trick. Hmmm.. I wonder what the ER doctors who treated them were thinking when they explained that. Most of these treatments were not things I tried. However, I did try the Vapor rub and called my daily treatments "Vaporizing the Assteroids". It did as it promised. The most important thing, the vapor, provided a soothing cool relief to my painful tush. Also, being a girl, I did adhere strictly to the wiping warning listed above!
Here is my advise. If you have are dealing with some flammin cherry bombs- Vaporize them! Stay away from coffee, beer, starches, and sugar. I achieved this by not eating for a week. Take a brisk walk for about 45 minutes a day. The exercise will bring blood flow to the area and help to heal a sore tush. The walks and the forced fast will not only work for the assteroids but will be great for your waist line too.
So for all of you out there who are struggling with Assteroids and decide to vaporize them.. Just remember it's cold and flu season. If you have a friend who is suffering you can sit next to them and clear their sinus pressure while you are enjoying some soothing relief.
